WWW: There is some excellent content in this essay: Superb quotes and generally clear overall argument
EBI:
- written english is seriously holding you back particularly on the first 2 pages
- you need to introduce your quote seeing who reads it and in what
- your paragraphs all need strong sentences
-mobile media theory is essential: Feminism
-you need up-to-the-minute example on your modern feminism section: No More Page 3 etc
-conclusion is weak and needs work
